GM's response to Bill Gates

20th December 2005, 23:08

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the
way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft; we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna

9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You would have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

(this may be an oldie)

jmke · 20th December 2005, 23:13

Quote:

Originally posted by Liquid3D
(this may be an oldie)

more than 8 years old!

Quote:

By 1998, someone had taken the evolving joke and tacked on a list of humorous comparisons between Microsoft software and the auto industry, one which played on consumer perceptions of Microsoft as a greedy, rapacious producer of flawed software incompatible with other vendors' products

and it's fake

http://www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/autos.asp

jmke · 21st December 2005, 16:38

all about Islam

Quote:

An Islam is a follower of Islamism. Islamism is in all fundamental aspects identical to Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism. Recently, the words Muslam, Moslem, Moose limb, or even Muslim have been used to describe Islams, and confusingly the word Islam has been used to refer to Islamism. To avoid this ambiguity, this article will use "Islam" to refer to a follower of Islamism, and not to Islamism itself, unless (of course) it is being used to refer to the latter instead of the former. Something is Islamist if it is related to, or represents, an Islam. Praise Allah praise Allah praise Allah praise Allah praise Allah praise Allah. Confusingly, the word Muslim is sometimes used in this sense. Recently, Islamist has been used as a noun, to refer to an Islam; this article will use it only as an adjective. The word Islamic, meaning a Muslim Islamist, is considered derogatory.

NOTE: The following paragraph is true for all Islams. Any attempt at generalizing this information will ensure a quick, violent death, courtesy of the Political Correctness Enforcement Squad. You have been warned.

This movement, especially-praise Allah-in the form of Jihadism, is an attempt to undermine public transportation and paratransit systems as bus stops, taxis, and the occasional railroad train are frequently blown up to draw attention to their demands. A famous Jihadist, Robin Williams, has been quoted as saying, "ah, to hell with it, lets blow some stuff up!" He then detonated twenty tons of thermonuclear weapons, creating what we now call Arizona. So Great is the hate of Jihadists towards transportation that at least one car will blown up in public daily. These "car bombings" have been misinterpreted as intentional attacks upon the public at large. This is patently untrue, as Jihadists actually hold human life to be of the utmost importance and mourn every single innocent death incurred in the world. Unforunately, Jihadists favorite form of mourning involves the explosion of their hated vehicles in public spaces. Praise Allah-It is thought that things will escalate until 2037, when something else will happen instead. Those that fail in their goals are ousted from the group and sent to exile in the managerial staff of

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Islam

27th December 2005, 06:39

You so crazy, I like you long time

20th December 2005, 23:08	#1
Liquid3D Posts: n/a	GM's response to Bill Gates For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft; we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna 9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You would have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. (this may be an oldie)

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27th December 2005, 06:39	#4
Liquid3D Posts: n/a	You so crazy, I like you long time