jmke

Chewbacca Defence

Cochran

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

Gerald Broflovski

Damn it!

Chef

What?

Gerald

He's using the Chewbacca defense!

Cochran

Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests

----

King Kong Defence

Per E. Samuelson

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, RIAA's attorney would certainly want you to believe that my client is assisting in these copyright infringement activities. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is KingKong. KingKong is a big gorilla who shares file from Cambodia. But KingKong lives on the fictional Skull Island with ninjas. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

RIAA Attorney

Damn it!

RIAA Exec

What?

RIAA Attorney

He's using the KingKong defense!

Per E. Samuelson

Why would a gorilla, a several stories tall Gorilla, want to live on Cambodia and fileshare from there, with a bunch of smaller and numerous human beings? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major anti-shipping company, and I'm talkin' about KingKong! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If King Kong shares file from Cambodia, you must acquit! The defense rests.

src: Pirate Bay Day 3 — Defense Requests Dismissal

__________________

jmke

....--~Exactly. Why would a lawyer be addressing jurors in Sweden, where there are no juries? It does not make sense! If there is no jury in Swededn, you must acquit! The defense rests.

__________________