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|28th July 2006, 11:45||#1|
New element found
Last year's hurricanes are proof of a new chemical element. A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element has been named *Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.
Governmentium does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each re- organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
The original Author of this piece is basically unknonw. Some say it's been around the internet since 1991, but I did find this http://www.samizdata.net/blog/archives/000953.html which out of about 2,000 links to Governmentium seems to be the most "original" who knows.
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