Oblivion Review: Asshole Physics, Meet Asshole A.I.

My adventure in Cyrodiil began in prison. Before I could respond to the inmate flirting with me in the cell across the hall some guards appeared with Patrick Stewart. He told me that he foresaw a video game developer paying him boatloads of money for like two hours of voice work so their queer fantasy game can have some semblance of credibility. He explained to me that I was now free, free to stumble my way through a tutorial featuring rats in sewers. At the end a guard attempted to guess my class. He said he thought I was a bard. He must have thought he was talking to a homo because there is no way any dude would play a bard. I was a whole class of my own. I was... an asshole.